Atalanta Pendragonne

A few months ago I began to slide into a depressive episode. The kind that come from inside and not because something happened. I fought it tooth and nail and then that maintenance guy showed up with that questionnare about moving. And I guess I just lost it. I've been a wreck for weeks. doombuggie has been my lifeline. We chat on YM pretty much every day, and it's a rare week we don't hang out at least once.

Thursday I see the doctor. doombuggie suggested asking to have my Effexor dosage doubled, which was in line with my thoughts and will be mentioned. Also I will bring my Eee so I can show him that study about BuSpar ameliorating the sexual side effects of antidepressants, especially in women.

And of coure Thursday night is the Voltaire concert. That I want to go and feel able to is a very good sign; if near-suicidal depression is my current baseline, at least there can be some peaks as well as valleys. I told Jon tonight that if I start blowing off his invites altogether, get me to PES (the psych ER).

I managed not to self-injure, but it was alarming how much I missed the feeling of burning myself with a cigarette. I did chainsmoke shisha with the intention of making myself vomit, but I didn't.

Happier things! I have decided to apply Discord from the Xenaverse at hogwarts_hocus. I made the journal and some icons (I was shocked at how long it took to find good icon pics!) and was gonna work on the app but then I started feeling shitty.

Also, Ben & Jerry's Mission to Marzipan is yummy and fans of almond flavored ice cream should seek it out.